JOKES IN ENGLISH (NESTOR' PAGE)
1) -
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the
American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of "-ese" are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you
a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc......"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of '-key'
was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I
?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?"
2)
- There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next
to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run
towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become,
then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine, the Frenchman was so happy
swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed
himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with
his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps
on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
3)
- IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY
Once upon a time, there was a non conforming sparrow who decided no to fly south
for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly
started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he
fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the
little sparrow, who thougth it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted
his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then, a
large cat came by, and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.The cat
cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly, ate him.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY 1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your
enemy. 2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit, is not necessarily your friend
3. And, if you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
4)
- Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE...you know...Young, Urban, Professional".
The second guy says, "I'm a DINK...you know...Double Income, No Kids".
The third guy says, "I'm a RUB...you know...Rich, Urban, Biker".
They turn then to the woman and ask her: "Would you mind to tell us what are
you?".
She replies..."I'm a WIFE...you know...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc".
5)
- A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer seeking the main
cause of Mad Cow disease.
- The Lady : Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the
reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that the bull fucks
the cow once a year?
- The Lady (getting embarrassed): "Well sir, that's a new piece of information,
but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?
- The Farmer : Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day?
- The Lady : Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting
to the point?
- The Farmer : I am getting to the point Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing
with your tits four times a day and only fucking you once a year, wouldn't you
get mad?